None of you are blogging either

.. so don`t get mad at me! Though I do feel obligated to apologize for my absence during Christmas. I hope you all found someplace else to eat food on Christmas Eve.

Most "why" questions directed toward me ("why didn`t you come home," "why don`t you update your blog," "why don`t you write", "etc.") can be responded to with "because I am an asshole." Yes. That is the answer. Maybe you already knew or assumed this.

All other questions, like "what are you doing these days," "where are you living," or "so when are you actually coming back" can be answered with an exasperated hand-wave and a tired "I don`t even f#$%ing know ..." I have said to myself that this will be a year of decision, no more of this floating-around-in-limbo nonsense, but so far maybe I am off to a bad start. All in due time, though .. I should be moving into an apartment next week, which will be my first legitimate place of residence since something like .. September, and I should be starting a new freelance-style translating job around then as well, just in time I say, because my Japanese is going to shite and I need some practice.

Do I have anything interesting to tell .. let`s see. I witnessed a drive-by mugging on Christmas while I talked to (most of) my family on the phone. I`m being harassed daily by a Filipina transexual. I pretended to get married to a French girl named Geraldine for a modeling shoot. I get made-out with almost nightly by Russian hostess girls while their middle-aged Yakuza boyfriends watch and plot my death. I read "And the Ass Saw the Angel" by Nick Cave. I eat at Freshness Burger almost every day (inexplicably, they have awesome chai). I am rocking the beard again.

Life isn`t bad at all, but I`m still just coasting. I read an interesting quote today:

"Fear of failure is a ticket to mediocrity. If you’re not failing from time to time, you’re not pushing yourself. And if you’re not pushing yourself, you’re coasting."

I was like, "Fack! But that does not necessarily mean that if you ARE failing from time to time, you`re also pushing yourself. You can NOT push yourself and still fail." Maybe I didn`t say that out loud. Anyway, I took it to heart.

Man, 2007 was a weirder year than usual. Maybe I can outdo myself this year. A few more days till I turn 27 -- that`s 3 cubed! What a great number! I have a good feeling about this.

How are all of you?

Update, in 3 movements

Work: Hahaha, "work." I`ve recently upgraded my response to the frequently-heard "so what do you do?" from "nothing!" to "this and that." The Cafe Absinthe job didn`t work out (hard to keep a job at a bar when you only know how to make approximately 3 drinks) so I bounced to a new place which opens at the end of this month and promises to be 7 shades of shady. Ahh, something new and different. While I wait for that place to open, I`ve always got a few translation jobs on the side (my going rate is 2000 yen per page, and that is f#$%ing cheap), a proofreading job that I have yet to receive any work for (maybe they didn`t really hire me and were just trying to be nice), a little once-per-week stint at a "conversation cafe" (nothing dodgy, just getting paid a lot to sit around a table and talk to a bunch of Japanese people in English .. oh what have I become), and of course the occasional audition, which I really shouldn`t keep going back to Tokyo for, since I never get anything ... actually I did land a part in a music video the other week, went and waited at the studio for about 7 hours for my turn, and was then asked to go home when they ran out of time and had to cut out most of the extras ... I still got paid for the job but was disappointed I didn`t get to do my thang.

Actually it`s amazing I`m able to land any jobs at all anymore, considering the recent collapse of the huge language-school NOVA which left something like 7,000 foreigners jobless and either on a plane-trip home or in the job market. Competition, nooooo! Actually, maybe I can use this to my advantage and start a "how to live in Japan with no job or money for extended periods of time" class ... hmmm.

House: Hahaha, "house." I`m back to Philly form, in that I went without a place of my own for too long and now that I have the means to get one, I can only think, "why bother?" Sure, it`s starting to get chilly out, which means I can`t sleep in the park, but when you`ve got a library, internet cafes (5 hours = 980 yen!) and random people`s houses (combined with a strong pity factor), 60000 yen a month for rent seems like a waste.

Other: If you haven`t downloaded Radiohead`s new album yet, I don`t have much to say to you. If you haven`t given the new Between The Buried And Me a listen, I have even less. I`ve given the new KMFDM a listen in the store, and am tempted to buy it, even though their last one left no taste in my mouth whatsoever. I suppose when you crank out an album every other month you`re bound to slip a flop in there somewhere. Also, the new Black Dahlia Murder (downloadable tracks on that site!) is at least as good as their last one, Miasma, which is to say that it is absolutely f#$%ing insane.

I got a collection of short stories by my favorite Japanese author, Haruki Murakami, and it has me wanting to write short stories of my own, though whenever I try to think of an idea for one, it`s always based on something that has actually happened to me, which is not entirely creative. Why can`t I make stuff up anymore? What do I mean, "anymore?" Could/did I ever?

As for the Christmas/NH thing, Yes.


Hidden Track: see if you can spot me in this gallery of photos from last week`s Halloween party!

ギリギリ、the only way I know how to live

So I came down here under the presumption .. or the pretext .. the uh, premise? That I`d be working 2 jobs right away, which would allow me to save up for a place to live within the first month. Turns out I was only half right. I`ve got the night job, slinging absinthe, mojitos and shisha at cafe .. Absinthe, which is nice because it`s like 6 nights a week and I usually finish around 3AM, perfect timing for some late night partaking of house music and tequila (I pay for nothing since for some reason every person I hang out with over here is a local DJ), and then when the sun comes out, a trip to the gym, the coffee shop, and eventually either the library or park for a nap. That`s nice and all, but hardly something I`ll have the strength to keep up for more than a few weeks, one reason being that my giant yellow bag weighs too much for my bike rack and is making it increasingly difficult to get around.

I`m losing my train of thought because that Will.I.Am version of "Mas que nada" is now playing in the cafe, and for some reason I know all the words .. did I tell you I met him at a club in Osaka last month? He`s short, and he seemed bored to be there.

Anyway. So yeah, 1 job, and not 2, is not going to cut it at this rate. It came as a pretty big blow when they didn`t give me that other job I`d applied for (I told you I`d jinx it by actually trying for it), but immediately afterward I found another similar one and applied to that .. we`ll see how that goes this week.

My year of leisure in Tokyo is finally catching up to me ... it`s time to pay the price!

Status

Employment? Check.
(surprisingly nice for Japan) Gym membership? Check.
Big-ass public library, with comfortable places to nap? Check.
Place to use free wireless and drink cheap coffee? Check.
Approximately $100 to last me the rest of the month? Check.

and most importantly ...

Yellow Oakley house?
You`d better f#$%ing believe it.

I am ...

... about to take my yearly plunge into something new and different. Though I suppose if I do it every year, it`s not so new or different, is it? You`d think I`d be used to it by now but at the moment I`m actually uncharacteristically nervous.

Tonight, I leave for Osaka (again), only this time, I`m not looking back, save for an occasional glance to check on my stuff that I`ve left scattered throughout Tokyo at random friends` houses. Sound familiar so far? The only thing that continues to surprise me is how I amass so much junk in the mere space of a year. As usual, a lot of it gets given away or thrown out during "crunch time," filtering my possessions down to the bare necessities -- at least whatever I can fit into carryable boxes and, of course, my yellow Oakley house.

I`m leaving tonight because tomorrow I start a new part-time job, which I am actually fairly excited about, and Wednesday I have an interview for another part-time job, which I am more excited about, and my chance of obtaining is pretty high (I`d say 80%). I don`t want to go into the details of the latter position just yet because I don`t want to jinx it more than I already have (by hoping for it, and, well, applying), and I don`t want to talk about the first one yet either because, honestly, you will probably all think "that doesn`t sound like anything to get excited about," and I secretly want you all to think I am living the most awesome life imaginable over here.

I think it`ll all work out nicely, if only because it`s all stuff that randomly falls into my lap, as opposed to things I go out of my way to try for. Effort never got me anywhere, and I think I just said that in my last post as well, so I`ll expound a bit by saying that
things have usually worked out better for me when I`ve sort of gone with the flow as opposed to carefully trying to orchestrate my own fate ... meaning, even though I did try for them, I`m glad I didn`t get those other jobs I`ve been applying for over the past few months because it felt unnatural, forced, as opposed to this, the current result, which feels .. right.

Why am I nervous, then? Unrelated to matters of employment, trivial things involving my current apartment which I`m about to abandon this evening even though I`m supposed to be here for another month and was therefore supposed to pay rent last Friday ... hahahaha. Let`s just say I`m trying not to leave anything here that I ever expect to see again.

Sometimes I wonder what it`d be like to live a legitimate, prudent, safer lifestyle ... then again I also wonder what it`d be like to fall off a building or get shot.

Zankoku na tenshi no you ni

A few notes:

• I won`t lie to you -- I`ve been in a pretty low place for the past couple of weeks. One of the main reasons is that my heart was recently stomped on by a girl in Osaka. We`d only been together for a very short time, but I thought it was the start of something wonderful ... turns out it wasn`t. Another big reason is I can`t find a f#$%ing job to save my life, though that`s probably because I`ve been very picky, specifically looking for jobs outside of Tokyo (where there are a billion work opportunities). Actually I thought I`d be able to find translating work in Osaka (I was successful with this as I was with the girl), so I put in my 2 months` (!) notice for my Tokyo apartment at the end of August. Result: No girl, no work, and pretty soon, no home. If I find this to be a recurring theme in my life, does that make me a born loser? I`m about to resort to drastic measures. No, not teaching English .. not that drastic.
• There`s some new Evangelion movie playing over here, which I`m pretty sure is just Death & Rebirth over again with some added scenes (probably of Shinji whining, Rei trying on schoolgirl uniforms and Gendou riding around in elevators), but as part of its commencement or whatever, there`s an entire section of the Ikebukuro Tokyu Hands store devoted to crazy Evangelion merchandise. T-Shirts, keychains, mousepads, Zippos, figures ranging from a few inches tall to practically life-size, police tape that says Nerv on it, and beverages (just the other day I drank a can of tasty LCL). You want anything? An Ezekiel paperweight, perhaps? A mass-produced Eva with its arms cut off, half its head missing and its brain sticking out? Give me a holler, I`ll try to hook you up.
  
• I was lamenting the fact that approximately 10,000 albums I want, no, NEED to have all came out within the last week or so, by bands including but not limited to: Between the Buried and Me, The Black Dahlia Murder, High On Fire, The Baroness, Manu Chao (??), Ministry, and to a lesser extent, Arch Enemy and KMFDM. I say "lamenting" because I had no money to spend on CDs at the time, and couldn`t bring myself to just download them like everyone else does. Perhaps as a reward for my anti-music piracy stance, yesterday I randomly found an envelope on the ground with $200 in it, so I`m treating myself to the first 4 on the list ... maybe 5. Good thing I have my priorities in order.
• Also, it looks like I`m going to the Tokyo Game Show on Friday ... free pass and all. Not ticket, mind you -- pass. Suck it, Otaku! I`ve got connections! EDIT: Apparently tickets are only like $10 anyway. Oh well, I still feel cool.
  

Seems like things either fall into my lap or I don`t get them at all. Lesson here, and probably one I`ve stated over and over again: effort never pays off.

Worst blog ever

This blog is terrible. Terrible! I miss my old blue one from when I lived in KY, and the sort of grey one from when I first moved to Japan, all of which has been deleted. I guess I blog better while sitting at a desk trying to avoid doing work .. and I haven`t done that for more than a year now. Wooo!

But alack! I may have to start again. Working, that is. Unfortunately I`m having a hard time finding legitimate employment in Osaka .. I may have to alter my plan and move to Nagoya instead. Whatever. I have to do something -- I put in 2 months` notice on my apartment in Tokyo the other week. The clock is a-ticking!

See, even when I actually do type in this blog it`s not interesting anymore. I feel like all I have is, "I`m going to Osaka, I`m back in Tokyo, I need to move, waaaahh there`s all this drama .." blah blah blah. Nothing clever to say whatsoever. Oh, but plenty to complain about! That`s always fun. For example:

I always go back and forth from Tokyo to Osaka via overnight bus. 9 hour trip, 4000 yen. 9 hours seems like a pretty long time but the seats are pretty comfortable, it`s dark and quiet, and you can pretty much pass out the whole time. Unless! The seats are full. Then you have the option of paying just 2000 yen for your ticket and getting an "aisle seat" -- this retarded little seat that folds out from the side of a normal seat and juts out into the aisle, so you`re essentially sitting right in the middle of the bus. It`s really more of a stool than a seat, actually. There`s no back so you can`t lean back or anything. Plus everytime the bus stops for a break (every 2 hours or so), you have to get out of your seat and fold it back up so people can get through, to get off the bus and buy a drink or smoke or whatever. You`re really getting what you pay for with the aisle seat.

Since I always buy my ticket at the last minute, the regular seats are usually sold out, and I`m left with no choice but to buy an aisle seat ticket. This momentarily makes me happy because it`s half the price .. then I remember that I`m not getting aaaany sleep on this trip. However! Lots of times people don`t show up for the bus, leaving their (normal) seat open. I take! Half price and a normal seat. Take that, system.

Until the last time ... me and this other dude are waiting for all the regular passengers to board, so we can fold out and take our gimpy seats afterward. Then, just before getting on, the driver comes out and tells us, in beautifully polite dialect of course, "There are some empty seats because people haven`t shown up .. but you`re not allowed to sit in them."

"Come again?" I say.

"Since the ticket price is different, you have to take the aisle seat. It`s what you paid for."

You`ve got. to. be. kidding me. I argue with the guy for something like 5 minutes, and he pretty much agrees with me that it makes no sense whatsoever, but he says "it`s the rule." Somehow my "but I`ve done it like 50 times already" argument doesn`t sway him.

Anyway, after delaying the departure with my wise-ass gaijin attitude, I get on the bus, pull out the stupid seat right next to an empty actual seat, wait for the driver to close the curtain (there`s a curtain which separates the driver from the passengers` section, to preserve the darkness I guess), and promptly move over into the good seat and take a nap. Oooooh I`m such a badass.

First stop: I get out and buy a drink and some doughnuts or something. Getting back on the bus, the driver stops me and says, obviously pissed: "Sit in your own seat. I told you not to sit in the empty seats." I look at him questioningly, and then he hits me with it: "One of the other passengers told me you moved."

F#$%ing hell. Who the crap does that?

More arguing. The driver suggests that I pay 2000 extra yen so I can move over into the comfy seat. I`m not hearing it. Someone already paid for that seat, and they`re not f#$%ing here.

I forget how this story ends but it wasn`t as dramatic as it could`ve been -- I could`ve figured out who told on me and beat the snot out of them, I could`ve continued to sit in the normal seat every time until the driver called the cops or something on me, which I honestly felt like he was ready to do, I could`ve taken a stand and refused to get back on the bus, and gotten ditched at a rest stop halfway between Tokyo and Osaka. But I don`t need that kind of excitement right now.

Seriously, though, wtf??

Into the fray

Hola todos ... thought I`d drop a quick post from Tokyo before I head back west to Osaka, which I am doing in a couple of hours.

My little bike trip thing has been over for weeks .. needless to say I survived. A little skinnier (perfect, just what I need .. maybe I should have eaten something other than popsicles the whole time), arms much, much redder, knee a little more scraped up, but overall satisfied that it was not all for naught, as I was able to donate a little over $700 to the cause (the Niigata earthquake relief) and, unable to get rid of the bicycle in a way that I did not feel would be a total waste, brought home a beautiful black Trek hybrid which I now use in lieu of the subway whenever possible.

So that`s over. Now I have to head back and try to fix all the problems that my introduction to a group of friends has caused/contributed to in the past few weeks. Shamefully, I got swept up in a veritable tide of high-school-level drama/BS, and it`s breaking this group of formerly close friends apart, so I have to go back and do what I can to either remedy as much as possible, or accidentally break everything beyond repair. Hopefully the former, as I have also have 2 job interviews over there and will probably be moving there within the next couple of months.

Someone who matters very much gave me the suggestion that any group so easily turned against itself was not worth spending time with, and it might do to just distance myself from the whole crew permanently, though come to think of it that could become difficult logistically (for geographical reasons), plus these people felt like a surrogate family for me over here .. and you don`t just abandon, you sort things out, right? I`ll try to sort, and if that fails, abandon. Like a ship. As I told one of my last bosses exactly one year ago to this day, after he said "we hate to lose any crew members from our ship,"

"I can swim ..."

Life is .. something

You know how you can tell when a joke has gone too far? 1) When people start dying as a direct result, like in Foucault`s Pendulum, or 2) When you find yourself in some f$%&ing nowhere town on the northern coast of Honshu with nothing but a bicycle and a pack of (not nearly enough) supplies, riding from town to town flying a Japanese-style banner that says "Niigata Earthquake Victim RELIEF MISSION." It could be just that: a joke gone too far -- we`re sitting around in Osaka (where I have come to buy books and pursue women) last Tuesday morning, and I`m complaining about this e-mail my mother had sent, yelling at me to "pay attention to what`s going on around me" and "do something to help out." So everyone starts getting on me about how I have all this spare time, I should get off my ass and do something worthwhile, they`d all do it themselves but they have "jobs," blah blah .. thing is, before long it started to make sense to 2 of us, me being one of them (if they`d known me better, known how seriously I`d take any accusation of time-wasting, they wouldn`t have said a thing), and by that evening I had a bicycle, a destination, a vague plan, and no details whatsoever .. actually, 5 days into the trip, I`m still kind of blurry on the details -- I`m just kind of riding northeast, from town to town, with this big yellow banner, asking anyone stupid enough to come near me for a contribution (fyi - so far people either give me a thousand yen, or run away). When I get to Niigata, which should be in another week or so, I will do three things: 1) Give all collected money to the appropriate venue, once I figure out what that is, 2) Probably throw in a large handful of my own cash, since I`m really not good at the whole soliciting thing and would feel embarrassed showing up with like $100, and 3) Auction off the bicycle (which is very nice), give whatever I get for it to the aforementioned appropriate venue, and catch a bus back down to Osaka, where I don`t even live, but hey, there are girls waiting for me there. And my other friends too, of course.

So is it a joke turned against me? A cry for attention? An attempt to do something worthwhile, like the way my older sister is sponsoring a little girl in South America, only less tangibly effective? A vision quest?? My latest effort to become more like Kintaro Oe? Doesn`t matter what it is -- it`s poorly/barely planned, kind of ridiculous, maybe pointless, and exactly what I`m doing ... wish me not-death.

Excuses

Not much new to report, and I don`t want you all to think there is. I`m plowing nicely through my first pile of books for the summer .. after I finish A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, which I am ashamed to only be reading now, and not, say, 5 years ago, all I`ve got left is Only Revolutions before I have to find a decent bookstore and reload. I`m thinking Random Walk in Osaka ..

.. and there is my official excuse for going back there, which I plan to do tomorrow night. It has nothing to do with the 2 or 3 women over there I have crushes on. Nothing! Aaron is right .. maybe I am pretty transparent.

The fact that I can`t think of anything else to tell you right now makes me feel like I might be wasting my summer. Reading and exercising are good and all but still sort of passive activities, no? They`re like my default things to do, overriding other potential tasks like cleaning my room (room = apartment, but "cleaning my apartment" sounds like such a grown-up, responsible thing to do, while "cleaning my room" is something I don`t have to do as long as my parents are not around) or, God forbid, re-learning how to draw. Don`t even get me started on that one ..

This manga cafe smells funny. In another 2 hours I will leave, get some coffee, catch the subway back to my place, and crash for most of the day, which is acceptable because we have a typhoon or something coming Sunday .. see that? I am justified in all my actions. Nothing can stop me now!